When you loose your way.

Are you on your own spiritual journey and feel a bit lost a bit abandoned even? 

I have felt a little like that lately so I needed to really go deep to connect with the other side, 

 I had a new journey to travel and path to follow and that took every ounce of energy I had to go, I have been on a spiritual path for a long while now and I believe during covid there was a mass awakening of people, it was a beautiful sight to see,

so many people were removing those rose tinted glasses and began seeing the real world what a journey that is in itself.

As a young girl I always dabbled, I always had an interest in crystals energies spirits but never went too far in to that side of life, I would always find myself collecting rocks that I had found and fancy stones, collecting sand from beaches and keeping it in little bottles, using incense sticks and putting up wind chimes, I had a knowing for it without knowing it.

As I got older I knew there was something a little different about me, I didn't really gel with the local kids, was always a bit of a loner in school but you know I was never really that bothered, I was always more comfortable in my own company anyway and I would always find some thing to do.

I struggled a lot in my late teens early twenties, I was always so eager to please everyone people please if you will, I wanted to help anyone I could but it was just so draining, I would find myself finding the quietest of fields to sit in, or sitting next to the streams with no more sound than birds singing and water flowing and i would always feel better, it wasn't until years later that I would understand that was my way of re-energising myself refuelling my energy.

Covid was a massive reawakening for me, I had already been finding myself retracting from every day society, people would assume I was anti social or rude I suppose, but often I would find myself ending conversations short because I  just didn't have the time for something I would get nothing from, people that would complain constantly I would avoid I began to understand how important my energy was and how important it was to protect that so years pre covid I had unknowingly already started to wake up to the girl I once was, the girl that loved nature and could find happiness in the smallest of things, the sun shining on a windy day, watching birds go about making their nests ready for their babies, watching a bumblebee sat in a flower covered in pollen all these little things I had lost.

During lockdown in covid I thankfully found myself day by day all over again.

I stopped rushing around, I didn't live life by the clock, I found myself being outside more and more, I found myself actually breathing in fresh air, I enjoyed feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin again, all those little things that some how got lost in translation from being something I could enjoy became an inconvenience almost, I didn't have time to just sit around doing nothing but actually during those lockdowns I did, I did have time!

I started to become well, no longer taking tablets for my general anxiety and panic attack disorder, I was sleeping a solid 8 hours a night coming from a person that would not sleep, if I had seen 2 hours of sleep a night I was doing well!

eating healthy foods fully allowing myself to eat I was always a restricted food/dieter, being happy, not smiling falsely because it was nice thing to do but genuinely happy made me realise how much of a lie I was allowing myself to live.

I took a step back and seen all the toxic traits I had allowed into my life including people and released them all, I lost people I never thought I would and met people I cant imagine being without now, fast forward to now.

For over 6 months I felt something was not right, I seem to just not know or understand what I was doing day to day, I couldn't find my purpose, I lost sight of everything, the thing I just couldn't understand was nothing changed, I mean everyone went back to 'normal' but I fought hard to stay in the world where I was able to live the way I needed, but some how I found myself on my spiritual path that somehow became blocked.

I just didn't know anything any more, I felt like I lost all my progress I had made, like I was being pulled back in to a place that I didn't recognise, I could stay awake till the early hours questioning if spirituality was even real and that for me was scary because what I have believed for so long some how didn't look like what I thought it was, the scariest thing you can feel is displacement, how can you get to a place where you feel comfortable come to a place of understanding and feeling at home to then all of a sudden falling into a place you do not recognise or feel comfortable with.

A real sense of being lost is all I can describe, its like I didn't recognise anyone or anything, I lost myself all over again after all that hard work I had lost myself.

This went on for easily a year, I couldn't understand why I wasn't seeing my signs anymore, my happiness was not found in the woods anymore, I wasn't again bothered by the sun shining I just didn't care, I found myself instead blank, empty.

I asked for a sign, something anything to tell me I am where I am supposed to be, show me something that tells me I'm not alone here, 

My spirituality has not just disappeared, restore my belief, I needed to clear out stagnant energy, breathe and reconnect, that’s when I asked for a sign, for days I kept seeing butterflies in my head,

Beautiful butterflies hundreds of them with trees and blue skies it was so vivid, 

and then I seen a butterfly go past the window, the first butterfly I seen of the year February 7th, and hours after that I had a letter through the door with a butterfly stamp on the back.

I began seeing butterflies everywhere,

on books posters drawings magazines everywhere I would look they were there, and then I came across the most beautiful video at random of a whole forest that was swarmed with butterflies and it made me stop and accept this is in fact my sign and I am here, I am not alone and although I stopped, maybe even side tracked I was never alone I just forgot to ask for help in finding my way.

I felt guilty, guilty for questioning.

Angel’s, spirit guides they are very real to me, I believe the universe works in the most wonderful of ways, I truly believe energy is a real thing and we can do a lot with our energy, but do you know what I think happened, I allowed my vibration to be lowered by the way of the world, the state this world is in right now is beyond repair I believe, and when you only see and hear of the bad things we naturally begin to seep that dark and negative energy into everything we are around and touch. 

We must remember that everything begins with ourself, we have to take care of us before anyone or anything else! 

If we don’t pour 100% into ourself we have nothing to give.

To anyone of you that have felt the heaviness of the world today, the doom and gloom feeling of absorbing it all, remember to ask for your signs, remember to ask to not be alone, because if you ask, you will see...

Today, I take the time to remind myself I am not alone, I have never been alone I just needed to ask, and on that note…

Love, light and blessings H. x